HOLY SHIT.
the last week ive had a horrible dreading feeling.
like im a boat on a lake that's gone still.
no wind.
no ripple to speak of.
nothing in the sails.

i cant ignore my heart, telling me that i am destined to achieve simply amazing, astonishing things in this lifetime, i only just dont know exactly how to arrive at these places, to get to these things.

its shitty and its all about me. i take full responsibility for not pursuing avenues, for just sinking into this hole.

i need a change, and a shift. and i know i can make it happen, if i just keep my eyes open for it.
theres so much going on in the world, and its all rushing past me, and at times, like right now, its unbearable, this feeling.

need to write some books;
need to make some documentaries;
need to live without the feeling im wasting it all.

things to do before i die:

start a whistler's symphony
make a documentary that changes the world
be in a band
build a house
shave my head
become a dancer
be a personal stylist
act
win the lottery
invent something
become knighted
learn to metalsmith
own a horse or two
become self-sufficient
help develop communities around the world
assist in a birth
be on the front lines of an important social movement
go to madagascar
take a boat trip to somewhere far away
scuba dive
write some novels, some screenplays, some short stories

it's true what they say; there really is somethin' for everyone.

when did people start smiling in photographs;
notice theres a trend in the ways people pose in front of cameras.
fascinating.

know what i think?
i think we take the sky for granted.

i just think we all think we are all so darn great.
that leaves no one to think that others are so great.
here's to thinking you and you and you and you are supremely great.

moon.

its the greatest irony:
once i write down all my brilliant thoughts-
into books and onto pages and bits of receipts and gum papers-
those thoughts never seem to leave my mind, and i am left with them
churning in my brains for years,
thereby negating the need for the piece of paper with their explanation
for the purpose of remembering them in the first place.

god love em,
these torrential downpours.
they spice things up and make sleeping-in more glamourous than a. hepburn.

today was mindexploding and now i crave a nap.
also, i have a serious crush on nancy botwin.

and what if we were all just woman warriors, fighting savages who feasted--on the richest fare earth sprung to offer--and ravaged their brawny husbands dawn to dusk to dawn for two weeks, all to retreat eventually into the nettles--with several appetites satisfied-- to hibernate calmly--in foxtail and cobweb hammocks--for a quarter moon while blood slowly reunites with ground and soil below?

Become everything you hate, just for a moment.
See how that goes.

star trek: amazing.

but did anyone else find winona ryder's presence completely unnecessary?

and its good to know that i can still turn my hair wild and stand in the pouring rain with little on and love every minute.
its all very, very good to know.

it is stunning outside and my body craves hammocks and books and naps.
i am sleepy and finally have some time to indulge in that feeling. its very satisfactory.
i dont really have much else to say right now,
i just wanted to know if i could borrow like oooh $6000 maybe for this ring?

(http://www.kabiri.co.uk)

gahgahgah. crises and meltdown yesterday and now today i am feeling a bit better.
i just need more action and less idletalkingdreamingwishingwanting.
going on my third week with only one day off, i can't say im not grateful, but my ends are getting a bit frazzled.

so i don't know if you have ever watch birds, like really watched them, they are actually quite interesting. i mean, just watch one some time, what exactly are they doing? what are you DOING, bird?

in the game of fight or flight, they chose flight and i respect that.

are you a fighter or a flighter?

if i am leaving the house, i have to leave in fifteen minute increments. for example, if i plan to leave at 6:15 but don't, then i plan to leave at 6:30.
it just occurred to me that it may be ok to leave at 6:20. or 6:23.

So, when did become ok to completely replace PANTS in the wardrobe with LEGGINGS?
Leggings have been reassigned not just to serve as an undergarment--for a skirt or dress or...even shorts, as some would have it--but to completely serve as a wholly-functioning, single layer of clothing.
I'm sorry but I'm just sick of your jelly rolls. And at the same time, I am fascinated with them and can't seem to peel my eyes away, as my brain chugs at the question, "...but, how...?"

But, this is all just part of the scheme to save the world.
I understand it.
These things have their ways.
See, the way fashion is going right now, in 30 years there won't be a stitch of clothing between us. In 30 years, being NAKED will be determined as "THIS YEARS TREND" to make YOU stand out.
But there will be something oh so special about this trend. Once it catches and the majority of people are naked, naked trend-followers, something magical will happen. The all of humanity will simultaneously arrive at ONE, SINGLE conclusion: "This is stuff we don't need. We don't need stuff and we are all better with out it."
And we will live happily ever after.
Fin.

Though I have reserved this coming Halloween for the character of Nancy Botwin (ie twopurses.empty icemocha.curly brown sexpot hair. wedges and something whimsical.), I think next Halloween we should all dress up as ourselves, age 6.